How to Plant Bush Zucchini

To do this properly you must first gather a few things. You will need to get 2/3 bucket of dried elephant poop. (Most zoos will be quite charmed that you know its real value.) If you can't access elephant poop old dried horse poop will do. You will also need two (2) extra buckets of dirt and one bucket of clean sand. There is also a need for an empty gallon milk jug. Finally, the soil temperature must not get below 600 at night or the seeds will not germinate. To begin:

1. Select a spot that will get sunlight at least eight (8) hours a day.

2. Dig a hole two feet (2') deep by one and a half feet (1½') wide.

3. Mix the elephant poop with one half (½) the sand.

4. Place the mixture in the bottom of the hole.

5. Put four ice pick holes in the corner of the jug one third (1/3) of the way down. Then four (4) more on the bottom edge.

6. Place the prepared jug in the hole so that the opening will be about four or five inches above ground level. Use some dirt if necessary.

7. Mix the remaining sand with the remaining dirt and fill the hole up to just below the mouth of the jug. You will have a mound four (4) or five (5) inches above the rest of the surrounding ground.

8. Plant your zucchini seeds flat, as deep as they are long. When they sprout thin them to three per hill.

9. Fill the jug with water twice a week.